that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
