She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
only if we run a train.
done.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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