Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
