We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
