bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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