it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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