we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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