things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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