Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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