I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
