So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
