from now on my penis is your penis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
