I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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