why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
