Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are the jesus of drinking
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
