I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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