it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
