just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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