why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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