I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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