eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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