But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We talked him into tasing himself.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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