Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
