Texts From Last Night

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  (772): View more from Florida

  Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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  (772): Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/ot3u
  Replies (3) Good night (649) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM

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  (561): i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM http://tfl.nu/acmo
  Replies (43) Good night (1247) Bad night (3912) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

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  (609): I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied http://tfl.nu/rkdz
  Replies (18) Good night (891) Bad night (4000)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

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  (609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc
  Replies (34) Good night (1569) Bad night (3908)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.

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  (910): It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me. http://tfl.nu/w40e
  Replies (34) Good night (1405) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...

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  (613): His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat... http://tfl.nu/xzfb
  Replies (13) Good night (910) Bad night (3104) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.

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  (501): Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread. http://tfl.nu/0vqb
  Replies (7) Good night (3424) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered

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  (646): but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered http://tfl.nu/sriz
  Replies (8) Good night (3350) Bad night (709)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

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  (410): We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway http://tfl.nu/kcow
  Replies (11) Good night (2462) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

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  (586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw
  Replies (15) Good night (792) Bad night (2705)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.

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  (937): in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable. http://tfl.nu/kvvg
  Replies (14) Good night (1315) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?

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  (419): I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives? http://tfl.nu/8b2p
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"

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  (406): after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers" http://tfl.nu/5du2
  Replies (2) Good night (934) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.

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  (517): I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT. http://tfl.nu/j08n
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!

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  (720): Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA! http://tfl.nu/6cz6
  Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt

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