trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how drunk are you?
Several
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
