You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
