Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just shit out all my problems.