Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wish I only lived at night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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