Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.

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  (313): I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life. http://tfl.nu/7obq
  Replies (9) Good night (676) Bad night (4171)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3569) Bad night (31552)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.

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  (908): Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event. http://tfl.nu/eg4k
  Replies (22) Good night (8735) Bad night (852)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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  (970): I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now. http://tfl.nu/y6ao
  Replies (10) Good night (2739) Bad night (979)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5353) Bad night (2565)
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  (619): View more from California

  You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

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  (619): You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one... http://tfl.nu/h6us
  Replies (13) Good night (3633) Bad night (1835)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?

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  (248): Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet? http://tfl.nu/so9l
  Replies (9) Good night (2146) Bad night (1757)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.

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  (724): She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail. http://tfl.nu/o810
  Replies (13) Good night (651) Bad night (2696)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ........yyyyyyeah that's me

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  (814): There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours (301): ........yyyyyyeah that's me http://tfl.nu/xtm1
  Replies (4) Good night (1464) Bad night (472)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.

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  (603): i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck. http://tfl.nu/oxfo
  Replies (10) Good night (775) Bad night (882)
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  (530): View more from California

  .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.

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  (530): .......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space. http://tfl.nu/f94k
  Replies (11) Good night (829) Bad night (1228)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.

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  (201): It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night. http://tfl.nu/1gt9
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (292)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop

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  (618): i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop http://tfl.nu/c36z
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (234)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."

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  (931): What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed." http://tfl.nu/pp3s
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (200)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a shit load of segways right now

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  (570): We need a shit load of segways right now http://tfl.nu/bi1o
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (216)

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