We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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