i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
