Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
