The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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