im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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