i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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