Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
