I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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