Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
