im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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