dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
