im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
