Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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