i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
