I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
