Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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