i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize