Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
