I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
