Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
