obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
