Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
