My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Are my feet made of real feet?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
