i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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