i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
