Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
