I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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