I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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