I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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