My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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