Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
