I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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