I just cut my nipple shaving
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
