Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
