In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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