she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
