Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize