Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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