i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize