1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
