note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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