ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???