WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.