Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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