I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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