I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.