I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
