i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
