Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want her autograph on my taint
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
