I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
