I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
