Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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