All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
