did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize