Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
