I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
