you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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