I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
